i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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