She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
