mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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