Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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