i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
