Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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