You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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