some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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