There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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