I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
