Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you win again, gameday.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
