Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
