Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
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