Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
