If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
