no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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