How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
love makes seman taste better
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
