My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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