can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
