eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize