3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
