Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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