Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
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