she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
