woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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