I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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