"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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