Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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