I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize