I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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