I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
