when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
