she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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