i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
