Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
