Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
