It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
