just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
