The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
