new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You made out with two different species that night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize