DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
