Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
