the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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