no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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