I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
