dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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