I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
