I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
