R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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