I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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