your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
