just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
