All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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