Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
