i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize