i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His hands were made for my vagina.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
