I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you made out with another girl for some wings
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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