I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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