did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
