Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
