***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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