I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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