Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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