You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
