as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
