I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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