I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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