It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
