singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
