first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
