That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
