I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
