How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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