I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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