Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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