And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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