I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
