loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
zippers are such a cool invention
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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