I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Did I show you my penis last night?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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