This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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