i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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