Say something about gay babies.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
