I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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