nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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