I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
