i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize