Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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