chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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