I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
