yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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