We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
People in love make me want to vomit
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
