home. puking in laundry basket.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think I sprained my soul last night
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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