I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
