the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize