My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize