Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
