If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Holy shit dude........stairs
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
