If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
