I'm really into asian looking animals
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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