He had one of those small greek statue penises
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
