the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
