Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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