He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She bit a glass in half.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
