VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
