Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
