I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
