I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
