I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you win again, gameday.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
