Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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