you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize