my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
