giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
